Again, did you really think I wouldn't notice this crap? Here we go again with another "Why Television Sucks" rant.
Shomi's demise is nothing short of saddening because it had almost all the movies and shows you can't find on Netflix. It was also another outlet for broadcast network shows that couldn't find a home on Canadian soil, as well as shows from other streaming services that just couldn't deal with a Canadian launch. ..I'm looking at you, Amazon.
Thanks to Rogers' outdated thinking, Shomi was never able to impress potential customers. Their so-called "beta", when the service was exclusive to cable customers, lasted longer than it needed to be. For customers, trumpeting Shomi as a Netflix competitor only to have it daisy-chained to a cable subscription only served to make the site look like a glorified TV Everywhere app, and we all know how much those suck!
No doubt Bell Media's CraveTV will capitalize on this, as they should. Bell Media being Bell Media, CraveTV isn't much better.
Remember, the only reason why CraveTV is now available as a stand-alone service was because Shomi did it first. They may be the exclusive home to all HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central programming, but they gave Canadians a raw deal by only streaming past-HBO programming. That means no Game of Thrones and probably no Westworld either. Bell Media has let either its greed or incompetence deny CraveTV the one show that could seal the deal to any new customer.
It's actually a tragedy that CraveTV has amassed one million subscribers in spite of their bullshit, when Shomi should be the talk of the town. At least they're being smart about how they leverage their program rights by premiering Showtime series day-and-date on CraveTV, rather than The Movie Network. Like with Rogers' FX and FXX Canada, the need to make buzz-worthy programming available to Canadians as soon as they air in the U.S means you can't keep it all on one channel.
Having said that, Rogers still has A LOT of work to do with FXX and they'll have all the time in the world to do that now that Shomi is calling it quits. If you aren't feeling CraveTV, then you can only hope that some of Shomi's leftovers will be picked up by Netflix. There's a good reason why they have five million Canadian subscribers, and its the same reason why Shomi and CraveTV are still regarded as poor man's knock-offs.
As long as Canadian broadcasters keep playing second fiddle to cable, Netflix will always have the upper hand.
Friday, 18 November 2016
Thursday, 17 November 2016
Disney XD's got Anime-nia!
It seems like only last year that Disney XD was just a knock-off of Disney Channel for boys. Who could forget their ill-fated broadcast of Naruto Shippuden, where they made the amateur mistake of thinking the show was aimed at kids? They didn't even need to know about the manga; if they heard about Naruto from its Toonami broadcast on Cartoon Network, then they should have known that the initial English broadcast was edited for content, meaning, the show was clearly not intended for children.
Since then, it seems DXD has learned their lesson. They've returned to the anime broadcast scene, but now they're airing shows that are meant for a younger audience. Localization's a bitch, but unlike Dragon Ball Z and One Piece (and Pretty Cure, depending on who you ask), these merchandise-driven shows were meant to be exported as such. Although, after seeing the all the seriously dark stuff left in LBX's localization, it really makes me wonder: What the hell was the original Japanese version like and how the crap did they get away with keeping THAT in the English version?!
This brings us to the two MAJOR additions to Disney XD's portfolio: Beyblade and Pokemon. I get it, you wanna laugh, but the original Beyblade series was a real rags-to-riches sort of show. With spinning tops. And mythical creatures. Now that DXD has rights to every installment of the series, including the new Beyblade Burst series that began airing on Teletoon, it would nice to see that show on TV one more time, even if it doesn't really hold up. Being that Beyblade has aired on an Disney-ABC net before, it would be one heck of a throwback.
But undeniably, the real prize is Pokemon's anime: based on a franchise that's more popular than its ever been 20 years ago. I get it, you wanna groan. So do I. As much as the XY series deserved its warm reception, there's no denying that the show as a whole should have at least hit the reset button after Diamond and Pearl and started over from scratch. Better yet, it should have outright ended with the Advanced Generation. Regardless, now more than ever, not airing the Pokemon anime in America would be a huge mistake for broadcasters.
At this point, with Disney DXD also airing Yo-Kai Watch, they've got the kiddy anime business on lock. But one major franchise still eludes them: Yu-Gi-Oh! Unlike Pokemon, the many Duel Monsters spin-offs have kept the franchise fresh and new on the anime front. And let's face it: card games are way cooler than spinning tops. It was a wise move for Nicktoons to nab Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL and pick up Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V, if only to keep it out of the hands of a network that's clearly got their number.
But all in all, it's nice to see this chapter of Disney XD's dark history end on a high note.
Since then, it seems DXD has learned their lesson. They've returned to the anime broadcast scene, but now they're airing shows that are meant for a younger audience. Localization's a bitch, but unlike Dragon Ball Z and One Piece (and Pretty Cure, depending on who you ask), these merchandise-driven shows were meant to be exported as such. Although, after seeing the all the seriously dark stuff left in LBX's localization, it really makes me wonder: What the hell was the original Japanese version like and how the crap did they get away with keeping THAT in the English version?!
This brings us to the two MAJOR additions to Disney XD's portfolio: Beyblade and Pokemon. I get it, you wanna laugh, but the original Beyblade series was a real rags-to-riches sort of show. With spinning tops. And mythical creatures. Now that DXD has rights to every installment of the series, including the new Beyblade Burst series that began airing on Teletoon, it would nice to see that show on TV one more time, even if it doesn't really hold up. Being that Beyblade has aired on an Disney-ABC net before, it would be one heck of a throwback.
But undeniably, the real prize is Pokemon's anime: based on a franchise that's more popular than its ever been 20 years ago. I get it, you wanna groan. So do I. As much as the XY series deserved its warm reception, there's no denying that the show as a whole should have at least hit the reset button after Diamond and Pearl and started over from scratch. Better yet, it should have outright ended with the Advanced Generation. Regardless, now more than ever, not airing the Pokemon anime in America would be a huge mistake for broadcasters.
At this point, with Disney DXD also airing Yo-Kai Watch, they've got the kiddy anime business on lock. But one major franchise still eludes them: Yu-Gi-Oh! Unlike Pokemon, the many Duel Monsters spin-offs have kept the franchise fresh and new on the anime front. And let's face it: card games are way cooler than spinning tops. It was a wise move for Nicktoons to nab Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL and pick up Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V, if only to keep it out of the hands of a network that's clearly got their number.
But all in all, it's nice to see this chapter of Disney XD's dark history end on a high note.
Saturday, 12 November 2016
Worst Animated Shows of 2016
Don't expect me to bash these shows or spew nonsensical crap that only an idiot fanboy could understand, because that's what stupid YouTube rant videos are for. Also, I won't talk shit about a show I didn't even watch, because I was smart enough to know that show was gonna suck, unlike yourself.
Of course, for this list to exist means I clearly didn't do my best this year.
* The Powerpuff Girls
Quoting a random review about the earlier CGI special, "I want more, but I want better." Sadly, the reboot of this iconic Cartoon Network series is more, but no better than what came before.
It's as if they couldn't decide between going back to what made the original show so beloved in the first place and picking up where that show fumbled, or truly starting over from scratch and maybe take inspiration from the many critically-acclaimed shows that have been created in the years since. Instead, the new show plays it safe; disappointing more fans of the original show than they would have if they actually tried doing something more bold.
At least the likes of Fuller House have the excuse that they were made with fans of the original show in mind. From the get-go, it was pretty obvious this show was little more than a weak nostalgia grab for ratings and merchandise. What cements this is the truly terrible crossover it had with Teen Titans Go! TTG is undeniably a worse show than The Powerpuff Girls, but even then it has the alibi that it's a "comedic" spin-off that's based more on the far superior DC Nation shorts rather than the 2003 series that inspired them.
The reboot of The Powerpuff Girls is irrefutable proof that the franchise has run its course and its second season renewal is yet another sign that Cartoon Network, as an institution for superb animation that appeals to kids and adults alike, is entering another dork age.
* Bordertown
If I want to watch Family Guy, I'm gonna watch Family Guy. FOX is content to let that show run itself into the ground, and I'm fine with watching it crash, burn, and jump a million sharks until it gets cancelled a third time. Seasonal rot can kiss my ass, because I fucking love Family Guy.
So I don't need to watch another half-assed, carbon copy that lacks a even shred of originality.
Bordertown is yet another one-trick pony of a sitcom that relies on its cookie-cutter plots to be a framing device for jokes and gags that only the writers were laughing at. If that sounds like a typical episode of Family Guy to you, that's because it is a typical episode of Family Guy. Whereas that show wasn't afraid to experiment and actually has something of a mythology, Bordertown is nothing I haven't already seen before.
The funniest part of the show, if not the only funny part, is the cold opening to each episode, where the recurring character of El Coyote and his shenanigans with main character Bud delivers the kind of slapstick you would find in a classic cartoon, a la Looney Toons. Considering that such cartoons were not really "appropriate" for children at the time, but are still as entertaining to adults than any other "animated sitcom", it only serves to make what happens after the intro to Bordertown look all the more abysmal.
There's nothing wrong with adult animation being immature. But with the likes of Rick and Morty, Archer, and Futurama going beyond telling a simple joke, vs the likes of The Boondocks and even South Park on its best days offering a biting critique on culture and society, you'd expect better from an American adult cartoon these days. Even kids shows like Regular Show and The Amazing World of Gumball can be more critical and more entertaining to adults than any modern live-action kidcom could ever be.
Let's not even compare them to Japanese animation, a medium that's considered by Americans to be more mature and more complex than anything airing on Adult Swim outside of Toonami. Never mind that fact the few animated shows Adult Swim still produces, including the aforementioned Rick and Morty, are just as good as any anime.
By virtue of being completely different from The Simpsons and Family Guy, Bob's Burgers is probably the only good cartoon on FOX nowadays. If Bordertown is the best they could come up with since they cancelled The Cleveland Show, booted off American Dad, and pulled the plug on Animation Domination High-Def, it just goes to show you how creatively bankrupt FOX has become.
* Dimension W
See? Even Japanese anime can be as bad as any juvenile adult cartoon or, in this case, a network drama.
Dimension W's anime adaption was the first show in which a licencor like Funimation was among the production committee and the show's English dub premiered inside Toonami almost a month after it began airing in Japan. A good example of what happens when you overhype something, Dimension W was criticized for its bad pacing and its asshole of a protagonist. While I could work with the former issue, the latter issue is what really triggers my shit.
For me, an action show or movie is only as good as its cast, and their actions say more about them than their backstories. Am I expected to feel sorry for this prick just because someone he cares about was killed by this show's macguffin? How cliche. If anything, he just uses this as an excuse to act like a total ass to the rest of the show's characters, including the more interesting ones.
Most people compare this show to the likes of Ghost in the Shell and Psycho-Pass, but this show looks more like a poor man's Darker Than Black to me.
Of course, for this list to exist means I clearly didn't do my best this year.
* The Powerpuff Girls
Quoting a random review about the earlier CGI special, "I want more, but I want better." Sadly, the reboot of this iconic Cartoon Network series is more, but no better than what came before.
It's as if they couldn't decide between going back to what made the original show so beloved in the first place and picking up where that show fumbled, or truly starting over from scratch and maybe take inspiration from the many critically-acclaimed shows that have been created in the years since. Instead, the new show plays it safe; disappointing more fans of the original show than they would have if they actually tried doing something more bold.
At least the likes of Fuller House have the excuse that they were made with fans of the original show in mind. From the get-go, it was pretty obvious this show was little more than a weak nostalgia grab for ratings and merchandise. What cements this is the truly terrible crossover it had with Teen Titans Go! TTG is undeniably a worse show than The Powerpuff Girls, but even then it has the alibi that it's a "comedic" spin-off that's based more on the far superior DC Nation shorts rather than the 2003 series that inspired them.
The reboot of The Powerpuff Girls is irrefutable proof that the franchise has run its course and its second season renewal is yet another sign that Cartoon Network, as an institution for superb animation that appeals to kids and adults alike, is entering another dork age.
* Bordertown
If I want to watch Family Guy, I'm gonna watch Family Guy. FOX is content to let that show run itself into the ground, and I'm fine with watching it crash, burn, and jump a million sharks until it gets cancelled a third time. Seasonal rot can kiss my ass, because I fucking love Family Guy.
So I don't need to watch another half-assed, carbon copy that lacks a even shred of originality.
Bordertown is yet another one-trick pony of a sitcom that relies on its cookie-cutter plots to be a framing device for jokes and gags that only the writers were laughing at. If that sounds like a typical episode of Family Guy to you, that's because it is a typical episode of Family Guy. Whereas that show wasn't afraid to experiment and actually has something of a mythology, Bordertown is nothing I haven't already seen before.
The funniest part of the show, if not the only funny part, is the cold opening to each episode, where the recurring character of El Coyote and his shenanigans with main character Bud delivers the kind of slapstick you would find in a classic cartoon, a la Looney Toons. Considering that such cartoons were not really "appropriate" for children at the time, but are still as entertaining to adults than any other "animated sitcom", it only serves to make what happens after the intro to Bordertown look all the more abysmal.
There's nothing wrong with adult animation being immature. But with the likes of Rick and Morty, Archer, and Futurama going beyond telling a simple joke, vs the likes of The Boondocks and even South Park on its best days offering a biting critique on culture and society, you'd expect better from an American adult cartoon these days. Even kids shows like Regular Show and The Amazing World of Gumball can be more critical and more entertaining to adults than any modern live-action kidcom could ever be.
Let's not even compare them to Japanese animation, a medium that's considered by Americans to be more mature and more complex than anything airing on Adult Swim outside of Toonami. Never mind that fact the few animated shows Adult Swim still produces, including the aforementioned Rick and Morty, are just as good as any anime.
By virtue of being completely different from The Simpsons and Family Guy, Bob's Burgers is probably the only good cartoon on FOX nowadays. If Bordertown is the best they could come up with since they cancelled The Cleveland Show, booted off American Dad, and pulled the plug on Animation Domination High-Def, it just goes to show you how creatively bankrupt FOX has become.
* Dimension W
See? Even Japanese anime can be as bad as any juvenile adult cartoon or, in this case, a network drama.
Dimension W's anime adaption was the first show in which a licencor like Funimation was among the production committee and the show's English dub premiered inside Toonami almost a month after it began airing in Japan. A good example of what happens when you overhype something, Dimension W was criticized for its bad pacing and its asshole of a protagonist. While I could work with the former issue, the latter issue is what really triggers my shit.
For me, an action show or movie is only as good as its cast, and their actions say more about them than their backstories. Am I expected to feel sorry for this prick just because someone he cares about was killed by this show's macguffin? How cliche. If anything, he just uses this as an excuse to act like a total ass to the rest of the show's characters, including the more interesting ones.
Most people compare this show to the likes of Ghost in the Shell and Psycho-Pass, but this show looks more like a poor man's Darker Than Black to me.
Saturday, 22 October 2016
Why We Still Need TNA
Fuck Final Deletion. Fuck Decay vs Delete. Fuck the entire angle. I've only seen a small bit of Passions, but I'm sure that crap was a lot better what TNA has become, when the so-called "men's soap opera" becomes just as bad as an actual soap opera.
Yes, barring Empire, obviously.
The most interesting story angle involving Total Nonstop Action this year actually happened outside of Pop TV's broadcast of Impact Wrestling. Billy Corgan has been very involved in the dying company this year, from providing Impact's new theme music to becoming a minority owner. But TNA just isn't TNA without a shitty takeover angle, and Billy Corgan's lawsuit filed against the company is probably the best one in years. You can read all the details online, and you probably have already.
Long story short, the IWC is rooting for the Smashing Pumpkins front man to dig the company out of the massive hole that it (or rather, Dixie Carter) has dug itself in. As much as we can agree that TNA was doing just fine before Hulk Hogan showed up, and has been chasing some resemblance of its "glory days" ever since, we can also agree that it's not the time for TNA to tap out to Murphy's law just yet.
In every medium, we have alternatives. CTV has to compete with Global, Citytv, and even the CBC. Whenever Marvel is in a rut, comic book readers turn to DC. Netflix is leading the new era of internet television neck-and-neck with Hulu. Even WWE has competition, not with Ring of Honor, but with it's own developmental brand in NXT, which has been stealing the spotlight from a large of number of bad pay-per-views and an even worse Wrestlemania! The NXT Takeovers may have very well been the catalyst for WWE ending the dreaded "supershow" era and bringing back the brand extension.
Even if Ring of Honor is the new No.2, it's still just an indie promotion, and it has it's own "competition" with the indie promotions on WWNLive.com. You can argue that this means we really don't need TNA anymore, especially with Lucha Underground rocking it and Global Force Wrestling stretching its legs, but I argue that this means we need TNA now more than ever before.
It's only when you're at the bottom of the food chain that even the scrappy starts to grow it's beard, or in this case, grow it back. The fact that our own Fight Network in Canada, rather than Pop TV in the U.S.A, is funding new TV tapings shows that there's still something valuable about TNA that makes it worth saving; that this puny company shouldn't go the way of WCW and ECW and be gobbled up by the WWE. I'm gonna guess it's either the X-Division, the six-sided ring, the all-steel cage PPV event that even allowed women to compete (WAY before WWE's women division will in Raw's Hell in a Cell PPV this year), or the sheer pandemonium and spectacle that unfolds when Impact is at it's best, the likes of which we haven't seen since the GLORIOUS Attitude Era!
I'm avoiding TNA like the plague for now, but if Billy Corgan plays the right cards, if TNA can get out of its financial rut, if Impact Wrestling can cut the crap and get back to some decent storytelling, and if the company as a whole can hit the reset button in 2017, I might consider giving it another shot. At the very least, I refuse to label TNA as the Nickelback of professional wrestling, no matter how offensive it is...to Nickelback fans.
Professional wrestling's cockroach will do just fine.
Yes, barring Empire, obviously.
The most interesting story angle involving Total Nonstop Action this year actually happened outside of Pop TV's broadcast of Impact Wrestling. Billy Corgan has been very involved in the dying company this year, from providing Impact's new theme music to becoming a minority owner. But TNA just isn't TNA without a shitty takeover angle, and Billy Corgan's lawsuit filed against the company is probably the best one in years. You can read all the details online, and you probably have already.
Long story short, the IWC is rooting for the Smashing Pumpkins front man to dig the company out of the massive hole that it (or rather, Dixie Carter) has dug itself in. As much as we can agree that TNA was doing just fine before Hulk Hogan showed up, and has been chasing some resemblance of its "glory days" ever since, we can also agree that it's not the time for TNA to tap out to Murphy's law just yet.
In every medium, we have alternatives. CTV has to compete with Global, Citytv, and even the CBC. Whenever Marvel is in a rut, comic book readers turn to DC. Netflix is leading the new era of internet television neck-and-neck with Hulu. Even WWE has competition, not with Ring of Honor, but with it's own developmental brand in NXT, which has been stealing the spotlight from a large of number of bad pay-per-views and an even worse Wrestlemania! The NXT Takeovers may have very well been the catalyst for WWE ending the dreaded "supershow" era and bringing back the brand extension.
Even if Ring of Honor is the new No.2, it's still just an indie promotion, and it has it's own "competition" with the indie promotions on WWNLive.com. You can argue that this means we really don't need TNA anymore, especially with Lucha Underground rocking it and Global Force Wrestling stretching its legs, but I argue that this means we need TNA now more than ever before.
It's only when you're at the bottom of the food chain that even the scrappy starts to grow it's beard, or in this case, grow it back. The fact that our own Fight Network in Canada, rather than Pop TV in the U.S.A, is funding new TV tapings shows that there's still something valuable about TNA that makes it worth saving; that this puny company shouldn't go the way of WCW and ECW and be gobbled up by the WWE. I'm gonna guess it's either the X-Division, the six-sided ring, the all-steel cage PPV event that even allowed women to compete (WAY before WWE's women division will in Raw's Hell in a Cell PPV this year), or the sheer pandemonium and spectacle that unfolds when Impact is at it's best, the likes of which we haven't seen since the GLORIOUS Attitude Era!
I'm avoiding TNA like the plague for now, but if Billy Corgan plays the right cards, if TNA can get out of its financial rut, if Impact Wrestling can cut the crap and get back to some decent storytelling, and if the company as a whole can hit the reset button in 2017, I might consider giving it another shot. At the very least, I refuse to label TNA as the Nickelback of professional wrestling, no matter how offensive it is...to Nickelback fans.
Professional wrestling's cockroach will do just fine.
Saturday, 1 October 2016
Dark and Gritty is Shitty
Seraph of the End's anime is a perfect example for why I hate "dark and edgy" works. How do you expect me to root for the main characters when most of them too jaded and unlikable for me to sympathize with. Not to mention the old "corrupt government" cliche, wherein the human faction has commuted just as many atrocities, if not more, than the villains they're fighting. If comparing this to Akame ga Kill is a demeaning slap to the face, than I guess Gears of War would a be better comparison. Seraph is not a terrible show, but it's not my cup of tea either.
So how about the ones that really deserve this crap, like season three of From Dusk Till Dawn? So far, all of the problems I've had with season two have been doubled. The "heroes" have been reduced to being self-centered assholes with no redeeming qualities and even the unimportant background characters are too annoying for me tolerate. Whatever arguments to be had about making the vampires from the movie more sympathetic are rendered moot by the end of its second episode, and they become more invalid as the season progress.
How about Wynonna Earp or Hunters? Sure, the former series has a fanbase, despite its title character being a total bitch and its inaugural thirteen-episode season ending in one hell of an anti-climax, but Hunters has no excuse. Hunters is a generic, depressing, drama that's too cynical for its own good. Syfy should have given Defiance one more season, despite its many flaws, instead of wasting money on a show that takes its premise way too seriously.
I'd talk about the low points of The Flash's second season or question why the hell FOX decided to give Scream Queens a second go-around, but this is really just a preference of mine. Maybe some people like these kinds of shows, and I'm already too bitter and miserable to enjoy works like these.
...Or maybe television dramas have become too dark for me to give a crap about and need to learn how to lighten up!
So how about the ones that really deserve this crap, like season three of From Dusk Till Dawn? So far, all of the problems I've had with season two have been doubled. The "heroes" have been reduced to being self-centered assholes with no redeeming qualities and even the unimportant background characters are too annoying for me tolerate. Whatever arguments to be had about making the vampires from the movie more sympathetic are rendered moot by the end of its second episode, and they become more invalid as the season progress.
How about Wynonna Earp or Hunters? Sure, the former series has a fanbase, despite its title character being a total bitch and its inaugural thirteen-episode season ending in one hell of an anti-climax, but Hunters has no excuse. Hunters is a generic, depressing, drama that's too cynical for its own good. Syfy should have given Defiance one more season, despite its many flaws, instead of wasting money on a show that takes its premise way too seriously.
I'd talk about the low points of The Flash's second season or question why the hell FOX decided to give Scream Queens a second go-around, but this is really just a preference of mine. Maybe some people like these kinds of shows, and I'm already too bitter and miserable to enjoy works like these.
...Or maybe television dramas have become too dark for me to give a crap about and need to learn how to lighten up!
Tuesday, 20 September 2016
Because I'm Not Dead and This Blog Needs More Posts
Preview guides are stupid. You really expect me to listen to one man's opinion on a show they don't like before it even airs? Ever heard of judging a book by its cover? I'd rather read a stupid comment section. Better yet, I'd rather make a slightly less stupid list of shows you should be watching.
***
My dream anime is a cross between Bleach and Ikki Tousen. Bleach would contribute the quirky, slice-of-life humor, kickass music, and urban fantasy atmosphere that helped the earlier episodes earn its popularity in the first place. Ikki Tousen would bring its cast of amazons, les yay to the point of it not being subtext, and its hard-knocks school rivalry setting. Throw in an actual plot with better pacing, and there you have it.
***
I definitely think Super Channel should take notes from Family Channel and HBO.
Family Channel looks and acts like a basic TV channel, instead of the commercial-free premium channel that it really is, but what sells it is that its bundled with actual basic cable channels. Its clear that Super Channel is completely outclassed by The Movie Network and needs to switch up their business strategy.
HBO has reach the point where subscribers are willing to pay for the channel directly, without a cable subscription. With HBO Now, the channel has granted their wish. Now imagine if Super Channel followed a similar route for fans of Ash vs The Evil Dead.
***
***
My dream anime is a cross between Bleach and Ikki Tousen. Bleach would contribute the quirky, slice-of-life humor, kickass music, and urban fantasy atmosphere that helped the earlier episodes earn its popularity in the first place. Ikki Tousen would bring its cast of amazons, les yay to the point of it not being subtext, and its hard-knocks school rivalry setting. Throw in an actual plot with better pacing, and there you have it.
***
I definitely think Super Channel should take notes from Family Channel and HBO.
Family Channel looks and acts like a basic TV channel, instead of the commercial-free premium channel that it really is, but what sells it is that its bundled with actual basic cable channels. Its clear that Super Channel is completely outclassed by The Movie Network and needs to switch up their business strategy.
HBO has reach the point where subscribers are willing to pay for the channel directly, without a cable subscription. With HBO Now, the channel has granted their wish. Now imagine if Super Channel followed a similar route for fans of Ash vs The Evil Dead.
***
Monday, 5 September 2016
Ranking Viacom's Cable Networks
It's a little jarring to see a major broadcaster own so many channels, when we only watch three of them. No wonder Viacom has been going through changes, that's exactly what they are: a major broadcaster that owns so many channels, when people only give a crap about Comedy Central, MTV, and Nickelodeon.
Let's take a quick look under the hood, shall we?
9) Logo
Putting Logo at the bottom of the list may ruffle a few feathers. After all, gay truly is the new black, and the LGBT community needs a voice like Logo now more than ever. The problem is, ever since they cancelled all their original programming, Logo looks less like a cable network for lesbians and more like TV Land if they actually aired classic TV shows. Though I wouldn't say it's as bad as Bravo (U.S), because at least Logo didn't create The Real Housewives. They still have Drag Race, but Logo has a LONG way to go.
8) BET Networks
BET is the most popular network for African-Americans that nobody watches. Whenever BET isn't airing anything original, people are turning to networks like TV One and Bounce instead. They have the black sitcom classics no other network airs, unlike BET, where all of their shows can be found on MTV2. The fact that MTV2 has produced better unscripted series doesn't help their case either.
Centric is even worse. They now lay claim to be the first network for African-American women, but that only applies to their original slate. In the end, Centric is still the same incubator for sitcoms not airing on VH1 (or MTV2) and little more than an enabler for BET to continue to be the Bill Cosby of African-American television. Ironic, considering the accusations Bill Cosby himself made about the network. I've said it before and I'll say it again: BET is more of a brand than a cable network.
7) TV Land
How did TV Land go from being an offshoot of Nick@Nite, to being a less shitty Nick@Nite? By less shitty, I'm referring to TV Land's slate of original sitcoms that people actually watch. Do you even remember that See Dad Run was a thing? Unfortunately, with their decision to produce original programming came a shift towards more recent network sitcoms. You could blame this on the passing of time, where what's new now will eventually become retro in a decade or two, but that's not what TV Land is doing at all. What TV Land is really doing is airing the same regurgitated crap that's been rerun to death, not just on a Viacom network, but on cable television as whole.
Instead of asking "Why the hell does TV Land only air retro shows during the day?" We should be asking "Why the hell does TV Land even exist at all?" The answer is either Impastor or Younger, because those shows are the reason why TV Land is still relevant. ...Well that, and NickMom was even worse than what Nick@Nite has become. Seriously, find some different shows to air at night or don't even bother.
6) CMT
CMT is what MTV should have been when they shifted away from cartoons. Yes, some of their programming choices were questionable, but at least they still give enough of a crap about county music to avoid going down the same road as the countless networks that came before it. Also, they brought back Nashville. Lucky dogs.
5) VH1
It's a damn shame that VH1 ditched their morning music video block for sitcom reruns because they were supposed to be the Viacom network that actually gives a crap about music! Besides, and I can't stress this enough, all those shows were already airing on other networks! All signs point to MTV's new slate of music shows and the re-branding of VH1 Soul and Classic as the reason for the main channel's relapse, as if Viacom has decided to make MTV their one and only mainstream music channel. At least VH1's schedule is still dominated by their own original programming, for better or worse.
4) Spike
Spike is in much better shape than the previous entries on this list; it's also the only entry on this list that people watch less than BET. Let's face it, Spike TV has REALLY let itself go after they shifted to reality shows and became A&E for men. If it were not for MMA, boxing, and police-related shows, you'd be forgiven for thinking Spike TV was gobbled up by MTV2.
Between Bar Rescue, Ink Master, and new episodes of Cops and Jail, Spike produced a dozen reality shows hoping they'd find the next Storage Wars. All they really did was kill Blue Mountain State, 1000 Ways to Die, Deadliest Warrior and all of their best shows for a bunch of crap no one even watches. TNA Impact was more entertaining than Catch a Contractor, and even then...!
Despite all this, Spike has survived long enough to launch Lip Sync Battle, which became its flagship show in a matter of weeks, and rolled out international versions with arguably better shows. Only time will tell how long Spike's upward swing will continue.
3) Nickelodeon Networks
I never thought I lived to see the day Nickelodeon went back to producing decent shows not named TUFF Puppy or The Legend of Korra, but enough about Harvey Beaks. The way I see it, there are only two things wrong with Nickelodeon: Spongebob Squarepants marathons and Nick@Nite. I love Spongbob as much as any sane person would, but Nickelodeon's obsession with the show has turned it into punchline of children's television, and dragged the rest of the network's quality down with it. You'd think The Fairly Oddparents would have it worse, but the network barely airs that show anymore, just like another Frederator cartoon on another network.
If Nickelodeon wants to show nothing but Spongebob, the least they could do is cutback Nick@Nite's runtime. Which brings me to my next gripe with the network: they need to cutback Nick@Nite's runtime! Nick@Nite is lucky enough to be airing shows that aren't as rehashed as the other acquired fare Viacom owns. When your program block is reduced to airing nothing but sitcom reruns and movies, it's time to step back and make room for the network-produced shows Nickelodeon forgot to cancel.
One last thing, can we STOP with the live-action programming on Nicktoons? Power Rangers is fine, but Nick already has a dumping ground for Nickcom reruns. It's called TeenNick, and they should have moved Winx Club there. Moving the show to Nick Jr, the same network they launched NickMom, speaks volumes about the morons running that outfit.
2) MTV Networks
Lately, MTV has become a dumping ground for Comedy Central shows. You know MTV has took it to a new low when they would rather air better shows from a better network than any of their own original programming. I wouldn't be surprised if Broad City moved to MTV next season. While I applaud the decision to bring Wild n' Out back home to MTV, I still question their decision to bring MTV2's own original series with it. They might as well shut down MTV2 while they're at it, because without an attention-grabbing original series, MTV2 is little more than another sitcom rerun farm.
Still, between the launch of MTV Live and MTV Classic, and the fact that MTVu still airs nothing but music videos, MTV's future is looking a bit more interesting.
1) Comedy Central
There's no denying it, Comedy Central is still number one. Yes, I'm still pissed that they cancelled Moonbeam City and greenlit a spinoff of the absolute worst skit from TripTank. Yes, I do consider their animated shows to be little more than juvinile trash. And yes, The Comedy Network isn't even a poor man's counterpart to Central anymore, because MuchMusic airs the Central shows people actually watch.
Nonetheless, Comedy Central is still the one network that gets more buzz than any other Viacom-owned outlet. It's original slate is more popular than MTV's and of higher quality than anything on Nickelodeon. A sea of generic reality shows and overplayed sitcom reruns overshadow some of cable's most interesting scripted series (and Hit the Floor), but Comedy Central has never had this problem. They give the people what they want, the best damn shows on television (and Brickleberry) & the funniest movies, and the people give them ratings in return.
Let's take a quick look under the hood, shall we?
9) Logo
Putting Logo at the bottom of the list may ruffle a few feathers. After all, gay truly is the new black, and the LGBT community needs a voice like Logo now more than ever. The problem is, ever since they cancelled all their original programming, Logo looks less like a cable network for lesbians and more like TV Land if they actually aired classic TV shows. Though I wouldn't say it's as bad as Bravo (U.S), because at least Logo didn't create The Real Housewives. They still have Drag Race, but Logo has a LONG way to go.
8) BET Networks
BET is the most popular network for African-Americans that nobody watches. Whenever BET isn't airing anything original, people are turning to networks like TV One and Bounce instead. They have the black sitcom classics no other network airs, unlike BET, where all of their shows can be found on MTV2. The fact that MTV2 has produced better unscripted series doesn't help their case either.
Centric is even worse. They now lay claim to be the first network for African-American women, but that only applies to their original slate. In the end, Centric is still the same incubator for sitcoms not airing on VH1 (or MTV2) and little more than an enabler for BET to continue to be the Bill Cosby of African-American television. Ironic, considering the accusations Bill Cosby himself made about the network. I've said it before and I'll say it again: BET is more of a brand than a cable network.
7) TV Land
How did TV Land go from being an offshoot of Nick@Nite, to being a less shitty Nick@Nite? By less shitty, I'm referring to TV Land's slate of original sitcoms that people actually watch. Do you even remember that See Dad Run was a thing? Unfortunately, with their decision to produce original programming came a shift towards more recent network sitcoms. You could blame this on the passing of time, where what's new now will eventually become retro in a decade or two, but that's not what TV Land is doing at all. What TV Land is really doing is airing the same regurgitated crap that's been rerun to death, not just on a Viacom network, but on cable television as whole.
Instead of asking "Why the hell does TV Land only air retro shows during the day?" We should be asking "Why the hell does TV Land even exist at all?" The answer is either Impastor or Younger, because those shows are the reason why TV Land is still relevant. ...Well that, and NickMom was even worse than what Nick@Nite has become. Seriously, find some different shows to air at night or don't even bother.
6) CMT
CMT is what MTV should have been when they shifted away from cartoons. Yes, some of their programming choices were questionable, but at least they still give enough of a crap about county music to avoid going down the same road as the countless networks that came before it. Also, they brought back Nashville. Lucky dogs.
5) VH1
It's a damn shame that VH1 ditched their morning music video block for sitcom reruns because they were supposed to be the Viacom network that actually gives a crap about music! Besides, and I can't stress this enough, all those shows were already airing on other networks! All signs point to MTV's new slate of music shows and the re-branding of VH1 Soul and Classic as the reason for the main channel's relapse, as if Viacom has decided to make MTV their one and only mainstream music channel. At least VH1's schedule is still dominated by their own original programming, for better or worse.
4) Spike
Spike is in much better shape than the previous entries on this list; it's also the only entry on this list that people watch less than BET. Let's face it, Spike TV has REALLY let itself go after they shifted to reality shows and became A&E for men. If it were not for MMA, boxing, and police-related shows, you'd be forgiven for thinking Spike TV was gobbled up by MTV2.
Between Bar Rescue, Ink Master, and new episodes of Cops and Jail, Spike produced a dozen reality shows hoping they'd find the next Storage Wars. All they really did was kill Blue Mountain State, 1000 Ways to Die, Deadliest Warrior and all of their best shows for a bunch of crap no one even watches. TNA Impact was more entertaining than Catch a Contractor, and even then...!
Despite all this, Spike has survived long enough to launch Lip Sync Battle, which became its flagship show in a matter of weeks, and rolled out international versions with arguably better shows. Only time will tell how long Spike's upward swing will continue.
3) Nickelodeon Networks
I never thought I lived to see the day Nickelodeon went back to producing decent shows not named TUFF Puppy or The Legend of Korra, but enough about Harvey Beaks. The way I see it, there are only two things wrong with Nickelodeon: Spongebob Squarepants marathons and Nick@Nite. I love Spongbob as much as any sane person would, but Nickelodeon's obsession with the show has turned it into punchline of children's television, and dragged the rest of the network's quality down with it. You'd think The Fairly Oddparents would have it worse, but the network barely airs that show anymore, just like another Frederator cartoon on another network.
If Nickelodeon wants to show nothing but Spongebob, the least they could do is cutback Nick@Nite's runtime. Which brings me to my next gripe with the network: they need to cutback Nick@Nite's runtime! Nick@Nite is lucky enough to be airing shows that aren't as rehashed as the other acquired fare Viacom owns. When your program block is reduced to airing nothing but sitcom reruns and movies, it's time to step back and make room for the network-produced shows Nickelodeon forgot to cancel.
One last thing, can we STOP with the live-action programming on Nicktoons? Power Rangers is fine, but Nick already has a dumping ground for Nickcom reruns. It's called TeenNick, and they should have moved Winx Club there. Moving the show to Nick Jr, the same network they launched NickMom, speaks volumes about the morons running that outfit.
2) MTV Networks
Lately, MTV has become a dumping ground for Comedy Central shows. You know MTV has took it to a new low when they would rather air better shows from a better network than any of their own original programming. I wouldn't be surprised if Broad City moved to MTV next season. While I applaud the decision to bring Wild n' Out back home to MTV, I still question their decision to bring MTV2's own original series with it. They might as well shut down MTV2 while they're at it, because without an attention-grabbing original series, MTV2 is little more than another sitcom rerun farm.
Still, between the launch of MTV Live and MTV Classic, and the fact that MTVu still airs nothing but music videos, MTV's future is looking a bit more interesting.
1) Comedy Central
There's no denying it, Comedy Central is still number one. Yes, I'm still pissed that they cancelled Moonbeam City and greenlit a spinoff of the absolute worst skit from TripTank. Yes, I do consider their animated shows to be little more than juvinile trash. And yes, The Comedy Network isn't even a poor man's counterpart to Central anymore, because MuchMusic airs the Central shows people actually watch.
Nonetheless, Comedy Central is still the one network that gets more buzz than any other Viacom-owned outlet. It's original slate is more popular than MTV's and of higher quality than anything on Nickelodeon. A sea of generic reality shows and overplayed sitcom reruns overshadow some of cable's most interesting scripted series (and Hit the Floor), but Comedy Central has never had this problem. They give the people what they want, the best damn shows on television (and Brickleberry) & the funniest movies, and the people give them ratings in return.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)