There's something that needs to be said about companies (and people) with WAY too much money on their hands. Bell Media is one of those companies that think throwing money at a problem will solve it. Like your stereotypical video game publisher, Bell is one of those companies that spend way too much money trying to make more money. It's because of companies like Bell that the healthy competition between TV outlets has become a turf war for American brands.
Point fingers at the CRTC if you want, since they're supposed to prevent companies like Bell Media from getting so much power and control at the expense of television viewers. But to me, Bell Media will always be the cancer killing cable. It's about high time they got their comeuppance. However, because they own some of the most sought after, household names in television, I doubt I'll be satisfied with just a few networks closed down. The on-air job cuts, from MuchMusic to TSN, is just a minor nuance to them. As long as they're making on money, it's irrelevant.
This list is not so much advice for Bell Media as it is just me setting the record straight. If they don't give a shit about how crappy their networks are, who will?
BookTelevision & FashionTelevisionChannel
Needs no explanation. They're both outdated and get no promotion; especially the former. In the case of Fashion, there are so many female-targeted networks in this country. Trying to compete with them by focusing on fashion, the one topic that every women's lifestyle channel will have at least one program about, is a fool's errand. Instead of cutting jobs, Bell Media should have cut these tumors.
Comedy Gold
After Bell moved almost all of Comedy Central's programming to MuchMusic, The Comedy Network has become bare-bones. Once the network known for iconic Canadian comedies and comedians, it's only draws nowadays are imported fare like The Daily Show, reruns of The Big Bang Theroy, and now some TV Land fare like Impastor.
It's worth noting that Comedy Gold was launched as a domestic version of TV Land, back when the likes of Me-TV were considered second-tier networks. Unlike Dejaview, Comedy Gold has been given some care by Bell Media, to the point where I would rather watch this channel then The Comedy Network. With BiteTV out of the way, and CanCon requirements soon to be lowered, now is the perfect time for Comedy Gold to fold into it's parent network.
MTV2 Canada
I've said all that needs to be said about this network. It doesn't even air MTV2 programming anymore. Now it's just reruns of any second-hand crap that isn't airing on Much or M3, or can't be aired on MTV Canada due that channel's licence to air talk shows. Once the CRTC gets rid of genre-protection, MTV will be free to air whatever the hell they want, perhaps more teen dramas and comedies. Unless Bell Media plans on turning this channel into a vault for MTV shows, MTV2 is absolutely worthless.
At least M3 has a purpose: to hog all the cable rights to shows that you wish would air on much better networks. But with an American-branded network, you'd expect an authentic experience. Where's Guy Code and Wild n' Out? Why am I seeing a bunch of shitty teen dramas? WHERE'S THE MUSIC?
MTV2 Canada sucks, plain and simple. I'll take the American version any day.
------------------------------------------------------
Here's the sad part. All the Shaw Media networks I've listed have some modest viewership and notability, but no one, and I mean No One is watching these channels. Whether these networks close down or relaunch altogether, it will be yet another minor setback for the Bell Media machine.
Saturday, 16 January 2016
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
The Chopping Block: Shaw Media & Corus Entertainment
http://globalnews.ca/news/2450790/corus-to-buy-shaw-media-in-2-65b-mega-merger/
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Pigs were flying when Corus Entertainment announced that they would be purchasing Shaw Media. I I never thought this would be the year the Shaw family business would become whole, but Let's Talk TV has struck again. If there was ever a time to once again review the Shaw Media specialty channels to see which ones are worth a damn, it's now. After all, some of Corus' networks overlap with Shaw's and maybe this will be the year when both Corus and Shaw tackles their problem with recycled shit.
I've combed though Shaw Media's assets to find, in my opinion, the bad eggs, and here they are...
Dejaview
The only retro programming to be found on this network are the very same classics seen on Prime (the precursor to TVtropolis) years ago. By now, you'd expect a better variety. DTOUR was (re)launched so that Dejaview can become the sole retro cable network in Shaw's portfolio. So why is it that we still get tired out reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and other syndicated fare instead of more older, iconic shows like SCTV? How come the only Canadian shows on this network are just repeats of Shaw-produced shows?
I'd rather watch TV Land. Better yet, I rather watch Teletoon Retro.
FYI Canada
This network was announced around the same time as the American version. As you'd expect, outside of original shows from FYI, this channel is just another dumping ground for recycled crap. Its fine if it's just one show airing on another network, but if almost all of your programming is airing on different networks, there's no point in subscribing.
Besides, don't we already have enough lifestyle networks in this country? I'm fine with lifestyle shows, but another damn network? As long as were riding off the backs of American networks, why couldn't we get something cool like Bounce TV or El Rey? ANYTHING but more dime-a-dozen crap.
IFC Canada
Wayback when, I said Shaw Media should have changed this channel's name to "Showcase 2", since it's basically what Showcase was before Canwest went bankrupt. However, in retrospective, this channel actually has no reason to exist anymore. If by "independent films" you mean the same twenty Canadian flicks I see every morning on Movietime and Showcase, then we're already covered. Hell, there are a dozen streaming sites and Roku channels that mostly show these kinds of films anyway.
It would be worth it just to see premium series House of Lies and Californication, but now that Crave TV, the go-to streaming network for HBO and Showtime series, is FINALLY available as a standalone service, there's no logic to waiting around for these shows to air on IFC. Oh, and speaking of Bell Media, guess who now has an output agreement for IFC's originals? So, technically, this network has as much to do with its namesake as MTV2 does! It really should have changed it's name to Showcase 2.
*
Surprisingly, I don't really have that many complaints about Corus' channels. CMT is one of the few American-branded channels that actually produces its own shit, and they look pretty good too (save for Mom's a Medium, of course). OWN Canada is more of a companion to W Network, in that it airs more lifestyle shows, leaving W to its own devices. Then there's Sundance Channel, which is so different from its siblings, save for a few recycled shows, it might as well be owned by a different company.
Its no wonder Corus Entertainment was chosen to be the new parent company of Global, they've improved a lot. However, there's still one bad seed that I have to call out.
CosmoTV
Dear god, this network is horrible. Cosmo was once a network for shows for both teenage girls and their moms. However, the arrival of the Oprah Winfrey Network and ABC Spark, plus the overall homogenization of the television landscape to favor women, tween girls, and children, turned this network into the new Myspace. Now its just a dumping ground for W, OWN, and CMT fare.
It's sole exclusive show is Sex and the City which, again, can found on Crave TV. It's not even worth mentioning what other networks in this country air CSI: Miami reruns. So, even their acquired slate is recycled, and when the one reason why Canadians still watch TV is gone, you're screwed.
For these four networks, their days of sucking up YOUR money are numbered. We've already had so many casualties (R.I.P bpm:tv), now's the time for the real scum on the dial to pay the price.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pigs were flying when Corus Entertainment announced that they would be purchasing Shaw Media. I I never thought this would be the year the Shaw family business would become whole, but Let's Talk TV has struck again. If there was ever a time to once again review the Shaw Media specialty channels to see which ones are worth a damn, it's now. After all, some of Corus' networks overlap with Shaw's and maybe this will be the year when both Corus and Shaw tackles their problem with recycled shit.
I've combed though Shaw Media's assets to find, in my opinion, the bad eggs, and here they are...
Dejaview
The only retro programming to be found on this network are the very same classics seen on Prime (the precursor to TVtropolis) years ago. By now, you'd expect a better variety. DTOUR was (re)launched so that Dejaview can become the sole retro cable network in Shaw's portfolio. So why is it that we still get tired out reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and other syndicated fare instead of more older, iconic shows like SCTV? How come the only Canadian shows on this network are just repeats of Shaw-produced shows?
I'd rather watch TV Land. Better yet, I rather watch Teletoon Retro.
FYI Canada
This network was announced around the same time as the American version. As you'd expect, outside of original shows from FYI, this channel is just another dumping ground for recycled crap. Its fine if it's just one show airing on another network, but if almost all of your programming is airing on different networks, there's no point in subscribing.
Besides, don't we already have enough lifestyle networks in this country? I'm fine with lifestyle shows, but another damn network? As long as were riding off the backs of American networks, why couldn't we get something cool like Bounce TV or El Rey? ANYTHING but more dime-a-dozen crap.
IFC Canada
Wayback when, I said Shaw Media should have changed this channel's name to "Showcase 2", since it's basically what Showcase was before Canwest went bankrupt. However, in retrospective, this channel actually has no reason to exist anymore. If by "independent films" you mean the same twenty Canadian flicks I see every morning on Movietime and Showcase, then we're already covered. Hell, there are a dozen streaming sites and Roku channels that mostly show these kinds of films anyway.
It would be worth it just to see premium series House of Lies and Californication, but now that Crave TV, the go-to streaming network for HBO and Showtime series, is FINALLY available as a standalone service, there's no logic to waiting around for these shows to air on IFC. Oh, and speaking of Bell Media, guess who now has an output agreement for IFC's originals? So, technically, this network has as much to do with its namesake as MTV2 does! It really should have changed it's name to Showcase 2.
*
Surprisingly, I don't really have that many complaints about Corus' channels. CMT is one of the few American-branded channels that actually produces its own shit, and they look pretty good too (save for Mom's a Medium, of course). OWN Canada is more of a companion to W Network, in that it airs more lifestyle shows, leaving W to its own devices. Then there's Sundance Channel, which is so different from its siblings, save for a few recycled shows, it might as well be owned by a different company.
Its no wonder Corus Entertainment was chosen to be the new parent company of Global, they've improved a lot. However, there's still one bad seed that I have to call out.
CosmoTV
Dear god, this network is horrible. Cosmo was once a network for shows for both teenage girls and their moms. However, the arrival of the Oprah Winfrey Network and ABC Spark, plus the overall homogenization of the television landscape to favor women, tween girls, and children, turned this network into the new Myspace. Now its just a dumping ground for W, OWN, and CMT fare.
It's sole exclusive show is Sex and the City which, again, can found on Crave TV. It's not even worth mentioning what other networks in this country air CSI: Miami reruns. So, even their acquired slate is recycled, and when the one reason why Canadians still watch TV is gone, you're screwed.
For these four networks, their days of sucking up YOUR money are numbered. We've already had so many casualties (R.I.P bpm:tv), now's the time for the real scum on the dial to pay the price.
Sunday, 10 January 2016
Fave Five: EVERYTHING Wrong with BET
You got me? More like you gotta be kidding me? I've got five reasons why the likes of Being Mary Jane and Real Husbands of Hollywood have become too good for the black MTV.
1) Horrible Presentation
Promotional graphics and bugs are common, but BET took it way too far in 2015 when their promotional graphics for original programming began taking up 1/3 of the screen! I thought Teletoon, Space and The Comedy Network had it bad, but this just takes it to another level of annoying. Also, what is up with cable networks overdoing the promotional material? Isn't it enough that you aired a promo, have banners on your website, put ads in subways and newspapers, and left a sticky note next to your logo bug? I know you're trying to grab attention, but come on!
Oh, and the rest of BET's graphics are awful. The block logo and branding do not mesh up well together. As soon as BET gets their shit together, they need a makeover.
2) Recycled Programming
It's fine if that show you like is airing on two networks, but are you really going to subscribe to a third network you wouldn't normally watch just you can see that same show again? If no, then why do you believe it was a good idea for Nickelodeon, VH1, and BET to air The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Yeah, that's right. It wasn't a good idea. Recycling shows doesn't work, not if that show airs on a bunch of other networks. It's a lazy ratings grab. Plain and simple.
If you're already subscribed to MTV2, which also airs Martin, and VH1 or Nick, which airs the aforementioned Fresh Prince, and you aren't interested in BET's original programming, you're more likely to check out the competition then a network that airs the same shows as the ones you're already subscribed to.
Whether you like or hate the show, picking up House of Payne was a step in the right direction.
3) THE. CANADIAN. FEED.
The Canadian feed is shit. Half of BET's programming, mainly the recycled shows, are blacked out. At the time, I thought it was due to programming rights since The Fresh Prince is airing on Canadian networks. However, Martin doesn't air in Canada, yet I can't watch that show on BET. You know what else? The Jamie Foxx Show and The Wayans Bros. don't air in Canada either and I used to able to watch them on BET's feed. But, as of late, they've been blocked out too!
My guess is that Viacom is protesting Canada's pick-and-pay revolution by gating off full access to their properties. As of 2014, they've geo-blocked Spike TV's website, so you need to use a VPN. But because Viacom is Viacom and (as any YouTuber will tell you) they're a bunch of assholes, they took it to another level and gated-off full episodes behind a cable subscription paywall. So, unless you're able to subscribe to an American cable or satellite provider, you're fucked.
American broadcasters fear the unbundling of cable packages will lead to less Canadians watching their channels. Horseshit! AMC is the home of The Walking Dead, the show EVERYONE is watching; A&E airs Storage Wars, Duck Dynasty, and Criminal Minds way more often than any Canadian network does; and, lastly, half of Canada's specialty channels are knockoffs of American brands. American shows are way more popular than home-grown productions, so obviously a lot of people will remain subscribed to the networks that air them. In other words, American broadcasters are either paranoid, greedy, or have no clue how this shit works.
On the other hand, BET's Canadian feed really sucks and not everyone is into MMA or Boxing. OK Viacom, NOW you can start panicking.
4) Zero Quality
The cancellation of 106 & Park had a domino effect on the quality of BET's unscripted programming. The Xperiment, a Tosh.0 clone, was just the opening act; a declaration that the BET known for Hell Date and College Hill was back with a vengeance. Enter forgettable fare like The Westbrooks and Criminals at Work, mixed in with more tolerable shows like Nellyville and a reboot of Punk'd.
All these shows share the equivalent to a drive-by shooting; they came out of nowhere, made a ruckus, and left without a trace. That's the reality TV business in a nutshell: you make five or eight episodes of a forgettable show, it gets some viewership for the network, then it disappears and another show takes its place. I'm not joking, excluding the recently premiered Criminals at Work, all of the shows I mentioned, and the dozen others that BET premiered in 2015, have been taken off their site; as if they never happened.
Based on that, I can tell you right now that Criminals will not last longer than 26 episodes. Couldn't BET at least find one exiting topic to turn into a long-running show, instead of a clusterfuck of others that will get cancelled faster than you can say Just Keke?
5) Does BET Corrupt The Youth?
BET was/is notorious for promoting black stereotypes. Nowadays, I think BET is more guilty of riding off the back of black culture. Their output in 2015 was an absolute waste of resources, whereas their competition have covered some significant events in the past year. What's really jarring to me is that BET has become a five-network suite that's being overshadowed by smaller channels; smaller channels that I believe are making better contributions to the black community. Especially in Canada, with FEVA TV providing a outlet for local Caribbean communities and fans of international music artists.
Maybe I'm tackling this from the wrong perspective, but as far as the future of Canadian broadcasting is concerned, BET might as well exit Canada and sell the streaming rights of their shows to Netflix. It's a better strategy than getting Black Canadians to watch an almost worthless channel.
Also, the Canadian feed sucks. It just does.
1) Horrible Presentation
Promotional graphics and bugs are common, but BET took it way too far in 2015 when their promotional graphics for original programming began taking up 1/3 of the screen! I thought Teletoon, Space and The Comedy Network had it bad, but this just takes it to another level of annoying. Also, what is up with cable networks overdoing the promotional material? Isn't it enough that you aired a promo, have banners on your website, put ads in subways and newspapers, and left a sticky note next to your logo bug? I know you're trying to grab attention, but come on!
Oh, and the rest of BET's graphics are awful. The block logo and branding do not mesh up well together. As soon as BET gets their shit together, they need a makeover.
2) Recycled Programming
It's fine if that show you like is airing on two networks, but are you really going to subscribe to a third network you wouldn't normally watch just you can see that same show again? If no, then why do you believe it was a good idea for Nickelodeon, VH1, and BET to air The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Yeah, that's right. It wasn't a good idea. Recycling shows doesn't work, not if that show airs on a bunch of other networks. It's a lazy ratings grab. Plain and simple.
If you're already subscribed to MTV2, which also airs Martin, and VH1 or Nick, which airs the aforementioned Fresh Prince, and you aren't interested in BET's original programming, you're more likely to check out the competition then a network that airs the same shows as the ones you're already subscribed to.
Whether you like or hate the show, picking up House of Payne was a step in the right direction.
3) THE. CANADIAN. FEED.
The Canadian feed is shit. Half of BET's programming, mainly the recycled shows, are blacked out. At the time, I thought it was due to programming rights since The Fresh Prince is airing on Canadian networks. However, Martin doesn't air in Canada, yet I can't watch that show on BET. You know what else? The Jamie Foxx Show and The Wayans Bros. don't air in Canada either and I used to able to watch them on BET's feed. But, as of late, they've been blocked out too!
My guess is that Viacom is protesting Canada's pick-and-pay revolution by gating off full access to their properties. As of 2014, they've geo-blocked Spike TV's website, so you need to use a VPN. But because Viacom is Viacom and (as any YouTuber will tell you) they're a bunch of assholes, they took it to another level and gated-off full episodes behind a cable subscription paywall. So, unless you're able to subscribe to an American cable or satellite provider, you're fucked.
American broadcasters fear the unbundling of cable packages will lead to less Canadians watching their channels. Horseshit! AMC is the home of The Walking Dead, the show EVERYONE is watching; A&E airs Storage Wars, Duck Dynasty, and Criminal Minds way more often than any Canadian network does; and, lastly, half of Canada's specialty channels are knockoffs of American brands. American shows are way more popular than home-grown productions, so obviously a lot of people will remain subscribed to the networks that air them. In other words, American broadcasters are either paranoid, greedy, or have no clue how this shit works.
On the other hand, BET's Canadian feed really sucks and not everyone is into MMA or Boxing. OK Viacom, NOW you can start panicking.
4) Zero Quality
The cancellation of 106 & Park had a domino effect on the quality of BET's unscripted programming. The Xperiment, a Tosh.0 clone, was just the opening act; a declaration that the BET known for Hell Date and College Hill was back with a vengeance. Enter forgettable fare like The Westbrooks and Criminals at Work, mixed in with more tolerable shows like Nellyville and a reboot of Punk'd.
All these shows share the equivalent to a drive-by shooting; they came out of nowhere, made a ruckus, and left without a trace. That's the reality TV business in a nutshell: you make five or eight episodes of a forgettable show, it gets some viewership for the network, then it disappears and another show takes its place. I'm not joking, excluding the recently premiered Criminals at Work, all of the shows I mentioned, and the dozen others that BET premiered in 2015, have been taken off their site; as if they never happened.
Based on that, I can tell you right now that Criminals will not last longer than 26 episodes. Couldn't BET at least find one exiting topic to turn into a long-running show, instead of a clusterfuck of others that will get cancelled faster than you can say Just Keke?
5) Does BET Corrupt The Youth?
BET was/is notorious for promoting black stereotypes. Nowadays, I think BET is more guilty of riding off the back of black culture. Their output in 2015 was an absolute waste of resources, whereas their competition have covered some significant events in the past year. What's really jarring to me is that BET has become a five-network suite that's being overshadowed by smaller channels; smaller channels that I believe are making better contributions to the black community. Especially in Canada, with FEVA TV providing a outlet for local Caribbean communities and fans of international music artists.
Maybe I'm tackling this from the wrong perspective, but as far as the future of Canadian broadcasting is concerned, BET might as well exit Canada and sell the streaming rights of their shows to Netflix. It's a better strategy than getting Black Canadians to watch an almost worthless channel.
Also, the Canadian feed sucks. It just does.
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Fave Five: Depressing Moments From 2015
1) Call of Duty still gets no love.
Why? Because Modern Warfare 3 was, from the fan's perspective, god awful. In reality, It's a decent game with a single player campaign that offers a satisfactory conclusion to Modern Warfare 2's latched-on excuse of a plot. But it also cemented the franchise's reputation for not being innovative enough with its sequels and for becoming as formulaic as the likes of Dynasty Warriors or the average sports franchise. Depending on who you ask, even the critics and detractors can agree that either Advanced Warfare or Black Ops 3 was a step in the right direction. Unless you're a fanboy, in which case, fuck you.
Nonetheless, Call of Duty is still a twitch shooter on steroids where every gun is overpowered and the guns that are nerfed are damn near useless. It'd be easier trying to beat Hotline Miami than to survive a round of this game, which is probably why the game is way more popular in the competitive scene. It's nice to know that there are people defending the game that aren't stupid six-year-old brats or grown men who act like them.
2) Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid
I'm not ashamed of admitting I enjoy fanservice-laden anime and panty fighters, mostly because its the internet. If its misogynistic and sexist to enjoy smut yet also support gay marriage and believe women can do everything a man can do and more, then call me a pig. Besides, it is possible to have your cake and eat it too, to have racy content and a good narrative, and Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid...is not a good example.
What really sells a show like this is likable, relatable characters and a plot that doesn't get in the way. Mermaid knows its audience (Hi! I'm Kira) and gives them what they want, physical and very sexual girl-on-girl action, but because of its unlikable characters and uninteresting plot, the rest of the show beyond the infectious opening becomes a pointless waste.
Let's just say that I was more impressed with Yuri Kuma.
3) Jimmy Kimmel Offending Gamers
I'm not going into details. Let's just hope that the "other" Jimmy's ordeal helps get the message across to the likes of Spike, ESPN, and other television brands and personalities that if you're gonna do ANYTHING that offends the gaming community at large, don't. Just. Don't.
4) Konami
Once an iconic name in the gaming industry, Konami is now associated with the likes of Uwe Boll for being one of gaming's most hated figures. The shit Konami has pulled in recent years has turned a few heads, but its the controversy surrounding Silent Hills, P.T, Metal Gear Solid V, and recent Castlevania outings that earned them more hatred than EA, Activision, or Ubisoft could have ever had.
It would be nothing short of karma if these guys fall harder than THQ did.
5) Donald Trump for President
What started out as the funniest joke I've heard from American politics since Arnold Schwarzenegger running for governor, or whatever, has become one of the reasons why I'm grateful to live in Canada. I don't give a crap about politics, aside from democracy, but I'm pretty sure a racist, ignorant, twat better known for appearing on reality TV and for being rich as hell isn't really the best candidate most people would pick to run an entire country.
I can't judge whether or not Steven Harper wasn't a good Prime Minister, even though he did try to kill the CBC, but I can sure as hell say he wasn't a horrible monster. I don't need to say anything else other than this: if Trump for President is a joke, than its comedy at its worst.
Now, Kanye West for president? THAT'S funny!
Why? Because Modern Warfare 3 was, from the fan's perspective, god awful. In reality, It's a decent game with a single player campaign that offers a satisfactory conclusion to Modern Warfare 2's latched-on excuse of a plot. But it also cemented the franchise's reputation for not being innovative enough with its sequels and for becoming as formulaic as the likes of Dynasty Warriors or the average sports franchise. Depending on who you ask, even the critics and detractors can agree that either Advanced Warfare or Black Ops 3 was a step in the right direction. Unless you're a fanboy, in which case, fuck you.
Nonetheless, Call of Duty is still a twitch shooter on steroids where every gun is overpowered and the guns that are nerfed are damn near useless. It'd be easier trying to beat Hotline Miami than to survive a round of this game, which is probably why the game is way more popular in the competitive scene. It's nice to know that there are people defending the game that aren't stupid six-year-old brats or grown men who act like them.
2) Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid
I'm not ashamed of admitting I enjoy fanservice-laden anime and panty fighters, mostly because its the internet. If its misogynistic and sexist to enjoy smut yet also support gay marriage and believe women can do everything a man can do and more, then call me a pig. Besides, it is possible to have your cake and eat it too, to have racy content and a good narrative, and Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid...is not a good example.
What really sells a show like this is likable, relatable characters and a plot that doesn't get in the way. Mermaid knows its audience (Hi! I'm Kira) and gives them what they want, physical and very sexual girl-on-girl action, but because of its unlikable characters and uninteresting plot, the rest of the show beyond the infectious opening becomes a pointless waste.
Let's just say that I was more impressed with Yuri Kuma.
3) Jimmy Kimmel Offending Gamers
I'm not going into details. Let's just hope that the "other" Jimmy's ordeal helps get the message across to the likes of Spike, ESPN, and other television brands and personalities that if you're gonna do ANYTHING that offends the gaming community at large, don't. Just. Don't.
4) Konami
Once an iconic name in the gaming industry, Konami is now associated with the likes of Uwe Boll for being one of gaming's most hated figures. The shit Konami has pulled in recent years has turned a few heads, but its the controversy surrounding Silent Hills, P.T, Metal Gear Solid V, and recent Castlevania outings that earned them more hatred than EA, Activision, or Ubisoft could have ever had.
It would be nothing short of karma if these guys fall harder than THQ did.
5) Donald Trump for President
What started out as the funniest joke I've heard from American politics since Arnold Schwarzenegger running for governor, or whatever, has become one of the reasons why I'm grateful to live in Canada. I don't give a crap about politics, aside from democracy, but I'm pretty sure a racist, ignorant, twat better known for appearing on reality TV and for being rich as hell isn't really the best candidate most people would pick to run an entire country.
I can't judge whether or not Steven Harper wasn't a good Prime Minister, even though he did try to kill the CBC, but I can sure as hell say he wasn't a horrible monster. I don't need to say anything else other than this: if Trump for President is a joke, than its comedy at its worst.
Now, Kanye West for president? THAT'S funny!
Friday, 25 December 2015
Is This the End of Teletoon at Night?
...Better question: Did Santa give me a present or what!?
http://www.teletoonatnight.com/contact-us/channel-shift-faq/
-------------------------------------------------------
Let's face facts: Teletoon has never been "Cartoon Network Canada". Sure, they aired Cartoon Network shows, but it was their own output that made them a household name and, now, a worldwide brand. Nowadays, the difference between the two couldn't be any more definitive. Cartoon Network's output has become just as popular with adults as it has been with kids. Hence the reason why Regular Show and Adventure Time are critically-acclaimed, award-winning, flagship shows, whereas, the likes of Teen Titans Go are seen as the children's equivalent to Brickleberry.
Teletoon's output has become the latter, with shows like Johnny Test and Total Drama getting a lot more fans north of the border and just as much scorn down south. With Cartoon Network's original shows now airing exclusively on the Canadian version, and with the pick-and-pay revolution just a few months away, older viewers (like myself) are jumping ship. All that was stopping them was the long-awaited arrival of Bob's Burgers to Teletoon at Night, with the anticipated return of Archer in January.
..But then, THIS happened! On top of FINALLY getting Rick and Morty, it seems Adult Swim is taking reruns of Bob's Burgers and the new season of Archer from Teletoon! For those of you keeping track, [as] has also stolen away Fox's animated sitcoms, Night Sweats and the new season of Fugget About It. After Teletoon Retro was closed, I knew it was high-time that Teletoon Prime addressed the overlap between Adult Swim and Teletoon at Night. It seems as though they've finally made a decision.
The end of Retro left open a void that Teletoon could potentially fill once CanCon requirements are lowered and they no longer have to rely on reruns of Johnny Test. Nostalgia is a trend, but as TeenNick has proven, its a trend that brings in a desired crowd. A block for classic cartoons should be the replacement for Teletoon at Night because, if the "movies" Teletoon at Night we're referring to in the FAQ are the same twelve live-action movies they've been playing for years, then the block is as good as dead.
Again, Let's face facts: No one watches animation networks for live-action programming. The only reason Adult Swim got away with it was because their shows were leagues above CN Real. Likewise, the only reason Teletoon at Night got away with it was because, up until now, it was the only network that targets a demo that neither YTV, ABC Spark or any other rival channel could ever properly serve: Young Adult Men. Three years and the rise of cord-cutting later, the former channel as a whole is growing from being the equivalent of Nickelodeon Canada - which might as well be called "Nicktoons Canada" - into an actual domestic counterpart to Adult Swim and Cartoon Network.
The CRTC's Let's Talk TV hearings forced the hand of Corus Entertainment. It made them to close the general-interest, premium service, Movie Central, because their women and kids' brands were more popular and streaming services like Netfilx offers more choice than seven linear channels. It made them close Teletoon Retro because, with Family Channel ditching Disney programming, they can become the sole operator of the big three American children's brands.
I'm not saying all these changes are for the better; I'm saying it's better to get with the times then to be left behind. Would you rather have a block that airs Adult Swim shows, Fox and FX animated comedies, original Canadian-made shows, and the occasional live-action movie or a block that just airs live-action movies? Clearly, Corus has favored Adult Swim as the better block to target adults and, like-wise, viewers who used to watch Teletoon as kids now prefer Cartoon Network as adults. All that's missing is Toonami, but don't get your hopes up.
Now if only MTV2 would actually air MTV2 shows...
http://www.teletoonatnight.com/contact-us/channel-shift-faq/
-------------------------------------------------------
Let's face facts: Teletoon has never been "Cartoon Network Canada". Sure, they aired Cartoon Network shows, but it was their own output that made them a household name and, now, a worldwide brand. Nowadays, the difference between the two couldn't be any more definitive. Cartoon Network's output has become just as popular with adults as it has been with kids. Hence the reason why Regular Show and Adventure Time are critically-acclaimed, award-winning, flagship shows, whereas, the likes of Teen Titans Go are seen as the children's equivalent to Brickleberry.
Teletoon's output has become the latter, with shows like Johnny Test and Total Drama getting a lot more fans north of the border and just as much scorn down south. With Cartoon Network's original shows now airing exclusively on the Canadian version, and with the pick-and-pay revolution just a few months away, older viewers (like myself) are jumping ship. All that was stopping them was the long-awaited arrival of Bob's Burgers to Teletoon at Night, with the anticipated return of Archer in January.
..But then, THIS happened! On top of FINALLY getting Rick and Morty, it seems Adult Swim is taking reruns of Bob's Burgers and the new season of Archer from Teletoon! For those of you keeping track, [as] has also stolen away Fox's animated sitcoms, Night Sweats and the new season of Fugget About It. After Teletoon Retro was closed, I knew it was high-time that Teletoon Prime addressed the overlap between Adult Swim and Teletoon at Night. It seems as though they've finally made a decision.
The end of Retro left open a void that Teletoon could potentially fill once CanCon requirements are lowered and they no longer have to rely on reruns of Johnny Test. Nostalgia is a trend, but as TeenNick has proven, its a trend that brings in a desired crowd. A block for classic cartoons should be the replacement for Teletoon at Night because, if the "movies" Teletoon at Night we're referring to in the FAQ are the same twelve live-action movies they've been playing for years, then the block is as good as dead.
Again, Let's face facts: No one watches animation networks for live-action programming. The only reason Adult Swim got away with it was because their shows were leagues above CN Real. Likewise, the only reason Teletoon at Night got away with it was because, up until now, it was the only network that targets a demo that neither YTV, ABC Spark or any other rival channel could ever properly serve: Young Adult Men. Three years and the rise of cord-cutting later, the former channel as a whole is growing from being the equivalent of Nickelodeon Canada - which might as well be called "Nicktoons Canada" - into an actual domestic counterpart to Adult Swim and Cartoon Network.
The CRTC's Let's Talk TV hearings forced the hand of Corus Entertainment. It made them to close the general-interest, premium service, Movie Central, because their women and kids' brands were more popular and streaming services like Netfilx offers more choice than seven linear channels. It made them close Teletoon Retro because, with Family Channel ditching Disney programming, they can become the sole operator of the big three American children's brands.
I'm not saying all these changes are for the better; I'm saying it's better to get with the times then to be left behind. Would you rather have a block that airs Adult Swim shows, Fox and FX animated comedies, original Canadian-made shows, and the occasional live-action movie or a block that just airs live-action movies? Clearly, Corus has favored Adult Swim as the better block to target adults and, like-wise, viewers who used to watch Teletoon as kids now prefer Cartoon Network as adults. All that's missing is Toonami, but don't get your hopes up.
Now if only MTV2 would actually air MTV2 shows...
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Decoys, Species, and Lifeforce vs Vampire Cheeleaders
Decoys, Species, and Lifeforce are about aliens disguised as beautiful, attractive women who use their sex appeal to seduce men into having sex with them for their own gain. In the case of Decoys and Species, they're trying to mate with the human race to save/expand their own. In the case of Lifeforce, they're trying to bring about the galactic rapture. These movies are very much guilty pleasures for me, but only because they share one crippling, fatal flaw: the aliens aren't the protagonists.
If I learned anything from premium television, anime, comic books, and video games, its that, in stories like this, the villains are always the most interesting characters, especially if they're superhuman femme fatales (and vice-versa). So why not make them the protagonist? I wouldn't mind if we're talking about a slasher flick or torture porn or (if that's not a good enough description for them, then) whatever the hell Saw is supposed to be. However, in a thriller about horny, humanoid, creatures who've weaponized sex against us, do you really expect for me to root for the cockblockers? The boring, white, cardboard-cutout, protagonist I see in every other movie?
Anyone who's read Vampire Cheerleaders will agree with me on this one. It's a comedic web comic (or web manga, given the premise) that's exactly what it says: a story about undead bloodsuckers who just happen to be spoiled, bitchy, cheerleader stereotypes. It's slice of life gone bloody wrong; within the first volume our protagonists have "initiated" a naive girl into their ranks, enthralled her family and turned the hero antagonist into their slave.
These girls are straight-forward villains and, if it were a different story in a different genre, your first instinct would be to root against them. Yet, by the third volume, when the heroes are competent enough to stop them, the fandom found themselves rooting for the vampires, despite the horrible things they've done. This is what happens when you've created despicable villains who are also very likable characters and made them the protagonists. Tell me you haven't watch a movie or TV show where the villains were more likable than the heroes (okemon-Pay) and you wished the story was about them.
Going back to the gutter with a fresh new suit, the aliens in Decoys are simply trying to protect their race from going extinct. They didn't mean to leave a trail of frozen corpses, but if they must... Meanwhile, the "heroes" are just hormone-crazed college students who realized too late that these girls are not what they seem. Am I supposed to believe that, at the drop of a hat, they go from the annoying kids you're more likely to find in an episode of Degrassi to a group of alien exterminators? Screw that!
Granted, if the villains of these movies were the true protagonists, the ending would either be tragic for the villains or horrendous for humanity. On the other hand, aren't thrillers supposed to have bittersweet endings at the very least? Perhaps I should be looking for a sci-fi black comedy instead? I guess it is too much to ask for junk food to be compelling. If it wasn't, we wouldn't have guilty pleasures like these and we wouldn't be asking ourselves how we can make them as "decent" as the stuff we normally enjoy. If you enjoyed it for what it is, then who cares what others think, right?
...On the subject of horror franchises making a comeback, is a third Decoys movie or a television series really too much to ask?
If I learned anything from premium television, anime, comic books, and video games, its that, in stories like this, the villains are always the most interesting characters, especially if they're superhuman femme fatales (and vice-versa). So why not make them the protagonist? I wouldn't mind if we're talking about a slasher flick or torture porn or (if that's not a good enough description for them, then) whatever the hell Saw is supposed to be. However, in a thriller about horny, humanoid, creatures who've weaponized sex against us, do you really expect for me to root for the cockblockers? The boring, white, cardboard-cutout, protagonist I see in every other movie?
Anyone who's read Vampire Cheerleaders will agree with me on this one. It's a comedic web comic (or web manga, given the premise) that's exactly what it says: a story about undead bloodsuckers who just happen to be spoiled, bitchy, cheerleader stereotypes. It's slice of life gone bloody wrong; within the first volume our protagonists have "initiated" a naive girl into their ranks, enthralled her family and turned the hero antagonist into their slave.
These girls are straight-forward villains and, if it were a different story in a different genre, your first instinct would be to root against them. Yet, by the third volume, when the heroes are competent enough to stop them, the fandom found themselves rooting for the vampires, despite the horrible things they've done. This is what happens when you've created despicable villains who are also very likable characters and made them the protagonists. Tell me you haven't watch a movie or TV show where the villains were more likable than the heroes (okemon-Pay) and you wished the story was about them.
Going back to the gutter with a fresh new suit, the aliens in Decoys are simply trying to protect their race from going extinct. They didn't mean to leave a trail of frozen corpses, but if they must... Meanwhile, the "heroes" are just hormone-crazed college students who realized too late that these girls are not what they seem. Am I supposed to believe that, at the drop of a hat, they go from the annoying kids you're more likely to find in an episode of Degrassi to a group of alien exterminators? Screw that!
Granted, if the villains of these movies were the true protagonists, the ending would either be tragic for the villains or horrendous for humanity. On the other hand, aren't thrillers supposed to have bittersweet endings at the very least? Perhaps I should be looking for a sci-fi black comedy instead? I guess it is too much to ask for junk food to be compelling. If it wasn't, we wouldn't have guilty pleasures like these and we wouldn't be asking ourselves how we can make them as "decent" as the stuff we normally enjoy. If you enjoyed it for what it is, then who cares what others think, right?
...On the subject of horror franchises making a comeback, is a third Decoys movie or a television series really too much to ask?
Saturday, 12 December 2015
Less of a Pikachu, More of a Bear [December 2015 Update]
I'm not doing anything right now. Because its winter, I like to kick back and relax. But in my relaxation, I forgot to upload some videos I made, but hey, no one watches them anyways. Maybe I'll upload the rest of the SmashVines I recorded before the year ends. Maybe. Sadly, I'm gonna have to scrap the next Shoopa Smash movie. Why? Because my computer simply can't record any Smash Flash/Crusade footage. Too much resources, so little power. Instead, I'll upload them as separate videos on my channel, again, before the year ends.
As far as machinima goes, I really don't have anything in the pipeline besides the occasional sketch video. I'm still gonna finish Reycralibur, but it's not my number one priority anymore. Also, Aile x Opal is cancelled. So, there's that. I know that most people who do watch my videos wanna see more SSB4 machinima, so I'll give to them. In the new year, I'll be sure to make more Smash 4 machinima videos. Because I'm a benevolent god.
As far as rants go, nothing has really bugged me in recent months. Sure, Konami - aka "the Yu-Gi-Oh Company", since that's all they're good for - has really transcended to Uwe Boll levels of disgusting thanks to what happened at The Game Awards. Sure, small broadcast networks like Comet, Bounce TV, and Cozi TV have become superior to cable networks like Syfy, BET, and Boomerang (Ha!). Sure, Disney XD and TBS are making e-sports more prominent, whereas ESPN has made it a laughing stalk in the past. And yes, Destination America truly does suck now that they've lost TNA and Ring of Honor, the only programming worth a damn on what is otherwise another worthless lifestyle channel in the midst of a pick-and-pay revolution.
But hey, it's the holidays. Why spoil the mood?
My new year's resolution is to stop making goals I can't keep. I'm never going back to Twitch; I'm not gonna make more than one episode of Reycralibur; and I'm never going to become famous on the internet. I'm just gonna do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. Besides, what's the point of being famous on a website that wants to be the new Hulu? I'm better off getting a following on ZippCast.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to sleep.
As far as machinima goes, I really don't have anything in the pipeline besides the occasional sketch video. I'm still gonna finish Reycralibur, but it's not my number one priority anymore. Also, Aile x Opal is cancelled. So, there's that. I know that most people who do watch my videos wanna see more SSB4 machinima, so I'll give to them. In the new year, I'll be sure to make more Smash 4 machinima videos. Because I'm a benevolent god.
As far as rants go, nothing has really bugged me in recent months. Sure, Konami - aka "the Yu-Gi-Oh Company", since that's all they're good for - has really transcended to Uwe Boll levels of disgusting thanks to what happened at The Game Awards. Sure, small broadcast networks like Comet, Bounce TV, and Cozi TV have become superior to cable networks like Syfy, BET, and Boomerang (Ha!). Sure, Disney XD and TBS are making e-sports more prominent, whereas ESPN has made it a laughing stalk in the past. And yes, Destination America truly does suck now that they've lost TNA and Ring of Honor, the only programming worth a damn on what is otherwise another worthless lifestyle channel in the midst of a pick-and-pay revolution.
But hey, it's the holidays. Why spoil the mood?
My new year's resolution is to stop making goals I can't keep. I'm never going back to Twitch; I'm not gonna make more than one episode of Reycralibur; and I'm never going to become famous on the internet. I'm just gonna do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. Besides, what's the point of being famous on a website that wants to be the new Hulu? I'm better off getting a following on ZippCast.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to sleep.
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