Wednesday, 25 March 2015

RE:Zayn Malik quits One Direction, but boy band to continue with 4 members
Normally, I would be indifferent to crap like this, except for when I can talk shit about metalheads, hipsters, and tweens, but I just gotta speak my piece. Modern boy bands, unlike the singing groups of old, are artificial celebrities created for the sole purpose of selling shitty music to their equally shitty fans. As such, they are role models and have an image to uphold. All it takes is one moment, one scandal, one tiny controversy for it to fall apart; and that moment has finally arrived. Zayn Malik has just screwed the OneDirectoners.

I can't say I blame him. After all, if I was accused of cheating on my fiancĂ©e and caught on video doing drugs, the "stress" would get to me before I got in the limo. I wish I could say things are about to look up for him. After all, he is quitting a boy band. The only wiser decision would be to not join one in the first place! In all seriousness though, his idiot fans will forget about him faster than you can say Ark Music Factory, but it's gonna be years before the rest of the world forgets.

He might have a shot at a normal life if he stays off the grid. No social media, no talk show appearances, no nothing! Otherwise, he'll be lucky enough to end up like Zac Effron. You know, the guy who will never get any respect because he did High School Musical? Let this be a lesson to you wannabe music stars out there. Popularity is garbage and fans are morons. It doesn't matter if it's pop or rock, word of mouth is the only piece of hype you need. In other words, "Keep Your Hopes Up High and Your Head Down Low"

....Best Song Ever was One Direction's best song ever because it was their only good song...ever.
Come. At. Me.

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