Thursday, 26 March 2015

How to Create a Modern Music Channel

Music videos don't bring in ratings. Music-related shows are boring to watch. So what do you do? You bring in a bunch of shows that people like to watch yet, at the same time, have nothing to do with music. That's the general strategy of so-called music networks nowadays. You see, anyone who isn't a metalhead will know that the days of MTV being a music network have LONG gone. Nowadays, it's the definitive youth entertainment network airing a broad range of documentaries, dramas & comedies, lifestyle series...and shitty reality shows. 

The same can be said for every other network north and south of the boarder. MTV2 is a young male version of MTV, VH1 is a pop culture network for adults, Much is a pop culture network for youth, and M3 is an entertainment network. Fuse, after years of fighting off decay, looks like it will give up after it merges with NuvoTV. At least they have the excuse of nobody watching the channel; proving my point that music networks are as obsolete as video game and technology networks. It's too niche a genre to make a profit. That's the ultimate paradox: music networks have to broaden their programming scope, but they take it too far!

Fast forward to today, Revolt is emerging as, true to it's tagline, "The New #1 Name in Music". That's because Revolt is playing it safe. When it comes to non-music programming, they focus on topics that are of actual relevance to their audience. Hell, long before Revolt, I considered CMT to be what Fuse should have been like. Take a close look, notice how some of the shows CMT has aired, if not related to country music, relate to the country lifestyle. Dukes of Hazard, Reba, The Broken Skull Challenge? Don't tell me you didn't notice the pattern? For crying out, they even play more music videos than VH1!

Of course, I have to bring up Aux and Bpm:tv, because, not counting the Much spin-offs, they are the last real music networks in our country; the rest are essentially entertainment networks that also play music videos. However, Aux and Bpm are undoubtedly supported by our broken television landscape, where networks that, for all accounts, should be yanked off the air (MTV2 Canada) persist thanks to cable packages. Once pick-and-pay becomes a reality, these channels may have to change things up, perhaps become no better than Much or M3, otherwise their days will be numbered.

So, taking all of this into account, how do you create a music channel without transforming it into another MTV or Much knock-off? Do you rely on music videos? Do create music-related shows that resonate with your audience? Maybe you should mix things up; find an equilibrium between music and entertainment, with music on the dominant end.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

RE:Zayn Malik quits One Direction, but boy band to continue with 4 members
Normally, I would be indifferent to crap like this, except for when I can talk shit about metalheads, hipsters, and tweens, but I just gotta speak my piece. Modern boy bands, unlike the singing groups of old, are artificial celebrities created for the sole purpose of selling shitty music to their equally shitty fans. As such, they are role models and have an image to uphold. All it takes is one moment, one scandal, one tiny controversy for it to fall apart; and that moment has finally arrived. Zayn Malik has just screwed the OneDirectoners.

I can't say I blame him. After all, if I was accused of cheating on my fiancĂ©e and caught on video doing drugs, the "stress" would get to me before I got in the limo. I wish I could say things are about to look up for him. After all, he is quitting a boy band. The only wiser decision would be to not join one in the first place! In all seriousness though, his idiot fans will forget about him faster than you can say Ark Music Factory, but it's gonna be years before the rest of the world forgets.

He might have a shot at a normal life if he stays off the grid. No social media, no talk show appearances, no nothing! Otherwise, he'll be lucky enough to end up like Zac Effron. You know, the guy who will never get any respect because he did High School Musical? Let this be a lesson to you wannabe music stars out there. Popularity is garbage and fans are morons. It doesn't matter if it's pop or rock, word of mouth is the only piece of hype you need. In other words, "Keep Your Hopes Up High and Your Head Down Low"

....Best Song Ever was One Direction's best song ever because it was their only good song...ever.
Come. At. Me.

Monday, 23 March 2015

Update (March 2015): IM DONE

Lately, I've given up on everything: School, machinima, games, everything. I don't feel like putting any effort into anything except Team Fortress 2. The Reycralibur episode one remake should have been uploaded months ago, but I kept putting it off because I just don't want to do the series anymore. I know I HAVE to finish the series but I don't think it's worth the effort anymore.

Outside of Reycralibur's final episodes and future installments of Shoopa Smash, I have no plans to do any new series. I'm just gonna do YTPs and other random videos from now on. This also means I'm done with The Abridged Knights of Brawl for now, so don't expect to see Bjohn's Quest anytime soon. I will consider livestreaming on Twitch in the summer but, until then, expect to see more frequent (re)uploads on ZippCast.

Monday, 16 March 2015

Shomi vs CraveTV

OH HELL NO! You really think I didn't notice THIS bullcrap?

I'll save you the trouble. I'm not going to be the bottom line that decides which is the better service and, really, I don't need to rant about this. Half of the nation has already done that for me! Netflix didn't. Crackle didn't. Even Hulu with all it's flack didn't. Don't do it: DON'T GATE YOUR SHIT BEHIND CABLE SUBSCRIPTIONS!

I will say this, Shomi has much better offerings (*cough*TeenTitans*cough*) and at least Shaw has hinted that Shomi's cable crap was due to it being in beta. Yeah, that's right. a Beta. As in, Shomi wasn't finished before it was advertised and now cable subscribers are being used as the guinea-pigs. But CraveTV, in true Bell Media fashion, is offered only to Fibe and satellite subscriptions. There's a reason why I always talk shit about these scumbags, and they just gave you one of them.

But wait, there's more! Saving face, the CRTC is cutting a dirty deal with Bell, Rogers and Shaw. If they offer Shomi and CraveTV as standalone services, they will given more relaxed regulations. They don't have to contribute funds to Canadian programming, they can offer exclusive content, and they can kick all the puppies they want. In other words, Diplomatic Immunity! ...Actually, I have no idea what that means, I just wanted to say that.

I think the cord cutters are on the verge of victory! ...So why do I feel so bad? Maybe, because Canada's broadcast regulations are so broken, and vertically integrated companies so corrupt, that we had to protest to fix what should have never been broken. It's moments like this where I envy the Americans. So much diversity (*cough*ElReyNetwork*cough*), so little crap.

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Another MTV2 Canada Rant

I hate the Canadian version of MTV2. I REALLY hate that channel. 

I love MTV2 because it's like the young adult version of TBS and their original shows are so fun to watch. Don't get me wrong, it's a farcry from what it used to be, but it's infinitely better than MTV. The Canadian version, on the other hand, is an ungodly abomination. A twisted version of what MuchMusic could have been if they completely abandoned music programming, but didn't air comedies either. 

First of all, what's the main reason behind bringing an American channel on Canadian soil? To broadcast their shows, that's why! So, where the hell is Guy Code? I see Girl Code, and I know MuchMusic aired Guy Code in the past. Why the hell didn't they pick up the rest of the series? What happened to Wild n Out and Nitro Circus Live? Why can't I find any of these shows? I assume that Bell Media only has exclusive rights to shows on MTV, not MTV2 (or VH1, for that matter). 

Instead, I get a bunch of Degrassi reruns! Sure, they got Clueless and Student Bodies, if you're interested in classic Canadian series. They also have Sabrina and Malcolm in the Middle, both of which have aired on the American version. But nine out of ten times it's nothing but Degrassi, which is ironic considering new episodes moved to Canada's MTV in 2013 to make room for more comedies on Much. They might as well have moved it to MTV2, since that's all it ever airs!

Hell, while I'm at it, they should have also moved Pretty Little Liars and The Vampire Diaries to MTV2, instead of M3. MTV2 is licensed as a youth network; M3 is supposed to target adults. The only logical excuse is that M3 is more wildly available, whereas MTV2 is usually lumped in a cable package with actual music channels. 

If that's the case, then why bother keep the channel on air? Since MTV Canada isn't licensed to air half of MTV's shows - Remember, they're licensed as a network for talk shows - why not just move the rest of MTV's shows to MTV2, switch channel slots with MTV2, shut down MTV Canada, and rebrand MTV2 as MTV Canada? Because Bell Media isn't as clever as the owners of PrideVision TV...and because that idea is just too confusing for anyone to follow.

It's funny, MTV2 Canada didn't used to be this bad. When it was first rebranded from what used to be known as Razer, the worst thing that happened was that Kamikaze, an anime block, was cancelled. Other than that, it was every bit as awesome as it's predecessor: music videos, cool movies, extreme sports, and awesome shows! THIS is what a youth entertainment network should be like, hell, this what MTV2 itself should be like!

But now, it's just another outlet for crap that only tween twats would enjoy. You wanna know why cord cutting is the way to go? It's because Canadian networks nowadays only appeal to, and I'm sorry if I offend anyone for saying this, Women, soccer-moms, kids, and Bieber fangirls. With shit like this, it's no wonder cable subscriptions have been dropping. I'm better off going to the American website and watching the shows there.